ღ Eccentric Girl ღ

See, What Had Happened Was...

2012-01-14T00:49:00.000-08:00

I'm sittin' here, reading blogs, listening to music, feeling nostalgic, and for no real reason... Or maybe there is and it's just something I am suppressing.

I actually hadn't planned on writing a blog post today, but I never 'planned' on not writing in so long either. Somewhere along the way, I fell off the wagon. It's funny because I sort of 'dreaded' coming back here in a way, just because I hate doing the whole explaining why I haven't "been around" and I am too lazy to do an update for the length of time which I've been gone. But then I thought to myself, "you know what, who says I have to?".

It does feel nice to be back, reading peoples blogs though. It seems that others have also taken an absence from the blogosphere recently; some permanently, some temporarily, and some right now, according to what I read, are coming back. I guess the whole holidays/end of the year shenanigans can get hectic. Anyway, it feels great to "catch up" with everyone else, or at least, read/see y'all again :O)

Speaking of the holidays, I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a great start to their new year. I am so optimistic about 2012; it just feels like it's going to be different - in a good way! But that seems like I start every year, pumped and amped lol. Then somewhere along the way, the 'fire' seems to die out. Maybe it's just that the last few years have been kinda rough (high stressors), but anywho!

Ohhhhh, YES! Speaking of the "new year", guess what was predicted to happen to ME this year? Either get pregnant or have a baby LOL! I really highly doubt THAT. I'm not trying to be preggo any time soon. The story of how this "prediction" came about is kind of long and maybe something I will save for another blog post. But, I will let you know, that the person who made this prediction, and proclaims herself to be a 'psychic' of sorts - you know Latino folk and their beliefs of witchery and all that weird shit! LOL - has been correct in predictions involving every single one of my family members. In some cases you can cay, "ahh, that can be a coincidence". But in others, you're like, "oh hell, there's no coincidence there!".

Another thing I (kind of) want to say, is that I've been feeling the need for creative expression lately. I have this sort of "hidden talent" that not many people know about me. In fact, only my family does. Somewhere along the way, I stopped nurturing it. There are many reasons as to why, but I won't even go into those details. All I know is that I been feeling the need to "create something" and have it out there, for others to see... if that makes any sense to you? *cues William Blake quote*

"I must create a system or be enslaved by another man's; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create."

THAT is how I feel. I'm not saying I want to get back into what I used to do - that hidden talent that I let go of. I'm saying I want to create something. I just haven't put my finger as to how I'm going to go about that yet. I've always had an interest in photography, but I have never taken a class or bought a professional camera. I also love cooking. I like to write poems, but I would never dare post anything online. I like keeping that to myself. Btw, none of these things have to do with my "hidden talent" lol.

And lastly, I will talk about the health kick I was on the last time I was here. Yeah, I am still at it; although don't get me wrong, I am still the foodie that I am. I got DOWN over the holidays too. I made it a Puerto Rican themed Christmas dinner, with roasted pork shoulder, arroz con gandules, pasteles (made from scratch and the old-school way by HAND using a grater, not a food processor) and the best part: COQUITO!!!!! This stuff is so good, I made it for Christmas AND New Year's Eve.

Anyway, after what I call the "trifecta" of weight gain (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Eve) lol, it was back to getting my ass back on track! You just feel that nasty holiday bloat lol. I did gain some weight during the holidays (not that that's anything new; I think most everyone does). I gained about 4 pounds and while I've lost some of it, I need to lose the rest.

I am still learning about and discovering new foods though, as well as keeping up with the latest nutritional health news, etc. In fact one of the foods I have tried since I was last here talking about "brown rice" is quinoa. This stuff is great! I love it and it cooks fast. To me, it tastes like a mix of regular white rice and brown rice. It has that 'nutty taste', but not quite as strong as brown rice, plus it is way healthier. I've also been doing research on natural sweeteners and am committing myself to using less salt.

Well, that's my time for now. This post was all over the place. It is now 2:30 a.m. and I need to get some shut eye. There will be a family function tomorrow (birthday party), so I will need all of my energy. Toodaloo!

***BTW, this was the song that I was listening to at the beginning of this post when I was feeling all emo lol. Great song! I love Julieta Venegas music! I am totally in that type of music 'vibe' right now***

Foodie Changes (+ recipe)

2011-08-09T00:31:00.000-07:00

When did I suddenly become the stereotypical northern Californian whose politics are liberal and enjoys eating soy nuts and drinking skinny lattes? Oh, yeah. Over the 26 year lifespan that I’ve been living in California - although I mainly have the last two years of high school and my college experience and professors to thank for my political views.

Okay, so maybe I don’t eat soy nuts (everyday), but lately I’ve started paying more attention to what goes in my mouth - food wise, nasty pervs! Sure, I always knew what was healthy, but quite honestly, I never really cared to alter my diet because of it. A little of this, a little of that… oh, and some of this! I used to give into all cravings no matter how unhealthy. That is not the case anymore, even with my PMSi-ng self I’m proud to say. And if you know me, you’re aware: it gets real in these menses streets!

I think a large part of this new way of thinking has to do with getting older (don’t laugh lol). I find it hard to believe that I am closer to being thirty than twenty O_O. That, is simply craaaaazy to me! So, I’ve been paying a lot more attention to food labels. And no, not for the purpose of counting calories, because I HATE that and I swear I’ll never do it! It‘s more like going to the grocery store and seeing what the heck I’m putting inside my body, digesting and eventually… well, you get the picture. I’ve also been finding ways of still being able to make and enjoy the foods I love, only healthier and without sacrificing taste.

There are still many things I need to work on though. I am definitely not a health freak (yet! :P). It is very much a steady work in progress, but I prefer it that way. I want to take the time to ease into things ever so slowly, because I don’t want this to be a temporary phase for me, but rather a permanent way of life. Who says you can’t be healthy and a foodie at the same time? :)

With that said, here at the bottom of this post is a very basic and easy brown rice recipe. As you probably already know, brown rice is better for you than white rice (it has more vitamins, iron, fiber and healthy fats. WIN! :D). It’s like when you choose bread or pasta made with whole wheat flour, instead of one made with standard white flour.

If you’ve never had brown rice, you will find that it is grittier than white rice. It also has a flavor which I describe as “earthy” or nutty even. Aside from taste and texture, I personally find brown rice heartier than white rice. White rice to me now tastes a lot more “empty”, and lacks texture. Here is the recipe...

BROWN RICE & VEGGIES

Ingredients:

- 1 cup brown rice

- 2 cups water

- 1 tbsp. (or enough to your liking) Knorr chicken flavored bouillon

- 1 cup mixed veggies (carrots, peas, corn, Lima beans, green beans) frozen or canned. I avoid canned so use frozen.

- 2 garlic cloves minced

- 1 yellow onion chopped

- 1 Roma tomato chopped

- garlic powder

- pepper

- olive oil

What I do first is rinse my rice. Then I put it in a bowl with as much water as I am going to use to cook it.

The rule of thumb for brown rice is 1 ¾ cups of water for 1 cup of rice. I do 2 cups of water for 1 cup of rice, but that’s just my personal choice.

I let the rice soak for 1 hour before I cook it. That’s my personal choice as well. I find this helps the rice come out not so gritty.

After the rice has soaked for 1 hour, strain it by pouring the water you used to soak it in a separate recipient.

In a medium sized skillet, heat enough olive oil to saute the rice. Add your brown rice. Then add pepper and garlic powder to your liking. Stir for 3 - 5 minutes over medium heat.

Next, add the the garlic, tomato and onion. Add more oil if you need to at this point.

Once your onion is translucent, add the water you used to soak your rice. Then add the bouillon. Bring it to boil, cover and reduce heat.

Most directions for brown rice will advise you to allow it to cook for 45 minutes. I allow mine to go for 1 full hour, but that’s just me.

You may check your rice frequently, and stir it if you wish to make sure the rice is not sticking to the bottom (although I would do this as least as possible, to avoid interrupting the cooking process of the rice).

Finally, 5 - 10 minutes before your rice is finished cooking, add the mixed veggies and ta-daaa! :)

*If you are wondering why I use the water that I soak the rice in to cook with, I do this just in case the rice dispels any nutrients during the soak, that way I still get to incorporate them*

Beautiful and Enchanting San Francisco Pt. 3 (Muir Woods included)

2011-07-25T11:34:00.001-07:00

Last post on San Francisco/Muir Woods... promise! lol

I only have a few photos of Muir Woods, mainly because my Blackberry was being SUPER slow AF that day and kept freezing. And secondly, we were in "the woods" that day. Picture taking drains my battery A LOT. Never know when you might need to use your phone in an emergency - not that it would work anyway! LOL... Either way, I had it off most of the time, in order to conserve the battery.

Ferry Ride

Here it is again, the GGB, up close and personal

Under

You know what this is. Alcatraz!

The weird thing is, it looks tiny, but it's not as small as it looks

If you don't know about Alcatraz, basically its an island off of San Francisco that used to operate a high security prison known for taking in many hard-core criminals.

It is no longer operating of course. It cost too much to run, so it got shut down. Now it serves as a tour place.

And yes, as you can imagine, there are many horror stories about this place!

The Bay Bridge - not to be confused with the Golden Gate Bridge - connects SF and Oakland

San Francisco City skyline by day

In the city now, this is city hall (covered in 14k gold)

Near Union Square

Farmer's market in Union Square

In French Quarters

Food stand near SF's Financial District

Financial District

Eateries in Financial District. The burger bar seems like something I'd hit up! :)

The building the to the right is owned by a company that makes special occasion dresses. In each window, they showcase a dress (their merchandise). I thought it was creative and clever.

Closer shot

Saks Fifth and Tiffany's - not that I could afford either, YET lol

Cartier

Banana Republic

The End! :)

Beautiful and Enchanting San Francisco Pt. 2

2011-07-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

The first pictures in this entry aren't too great. Not only does my Blackberry take dim photos, but these pics were taken at the start of our tour. It was pretty early in the day, so there was plenty of fog. Also, my angles were off as I was "warming up to the camera". It's hard taking pictures from a moving tour bus! It all depends on where the attraction is and its relativity to where you are sitting.

Here we start with Golden Gate Park. It is HUGE, and surprisingly, it is larger than Central Park in New York City. I did not end up with many good shots of it, but here are a few...

This is a pagoda in Golden Gate Park - excuse the bus rails :)

More pagodas. You can barely see these in the background. They remind me of tree-houses! lol

Last pic of Golden Gate Park

Do you remember that awesome decade called the 90's? If so, does this look familiar?

Okay, how 'bout now? :)

Yep, that was the home used in the show "Full House". It was the yellow one in the middle that was used for the show.

Here's a side shot

The street dimensions in SF are spectacular!

Here are the classic Victorian-style homes SF is so well known for

Some of these buildings are a tad bit worn down, as you can see, but still beautiful IMO

The city is responsible for and requires certain homes in SF to be painted only a specific color

2nd and 3rd floor homes and a cafe at the bottom

This used to be Jimmy Hendrix studio and home. Murals were done on either side of the building

View 1

Too bad I'm not a Giant's fan! :P

More 'street art'?

I take pictures of ALL buildings and things I find interesting lol

And now the more breath-taking photos.

This is a view from the bottom of "crooked street", better known as Lombard St.

Our journey begins on our way up! The streets are so steep.

These steps were so narrow, I had to snap a pic... Hmm, wonder what lies behind that gate

Good shot of Lombard St. with no traffic

The landscaping is awesome

Another pretty gate/entrance to a home

This is probably my most favorite shot of Lombard St. Good job BB camera :)

The door

Another view of the majestic blue home from the opposite side of the street

Nice color scheme. I like!

There go the spectacular street dimensions again. They make for lovely views

More mystery here

Alas, a view of the city from the top of "crooked street"

I HAD to - minus the European tourist trying to look cool for the camera

Pretty mansion I spotted nearby

Making our way back down

*** I thought I would be posting 2 entries of pictures of San Francisco. But looks like I will have to do a 3rd entry. I still have several pictures left featuring other interesting parts of downtown. ***

Beautiful and Enchanting San Francisco pt. 1

2011-07-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

On the Golden Gate Bridge, aka "the unbuildable". Just look at the San Francisco fog...

These shots prove the "always sunny" misconceptions about California WRONG!
No, it isn't always sunny. Yes, it gets chilly here. Yes, San Francisco is like this throughout most of the year - and these shots were taken in the middle of July!

The "always sunny" rule applies to Southern Cali *side eyes*. Northern Cali and Southern Cali are 2 different worlds. Kinda like comparing NYC's 5 boroughs to the rest of the state. Kind of.

I LOOOVE church buildings - and religious architecture in general - you have no idea!!!

How Chinatown gets down

San Francisco's famous cable cars *sings Rice-A-Roni song*

Our 1st cable car conductor was nice, funny and totally AWESOME! He even let me ring the bell LOL. I regret not taking his picture though :(

The 2nd guy was a little on the 'serious side', but then again he was from the UK. He sho' was faaaahn tho! Mmm, morenaso!

My friend's crab at the a restaurant called "Crabhouse". Their bread and lemon infuse butter is to DIE for!! *wipes drool*

Mmm, wharf food. My plate was fish n' chips. Can't go wrong with a classic!

Souvenir shop at the wharf. I thought the sign was cool :)

Just a chocolate shop at the wharf. I thought it was pretty, so I took a pic!

This is how you know you're in SF's "Little Italy" (notice the Italian flag on the poles)

Cute Italian spot in Little Italy

THIS was the place I decided to have my birthday dinner (also in Little Italy)

My dinner: Cheese stuffed tortellini, in guess what kind of sauce? Yep, CHEESE!!! lol... I ended taking half this baby to go. It was a lot!

My b'day dessert: Creme Brulee Cheesecake with Chocolate sauce. Jealous??? lol

Hello Again :)

2011-07-18T12:31:00.000-07:00

Hello again, blog world! :)

So, I had this idea about doing a blog update of eeeee-verythang that’s happened while I been, well, “absent”, lets put it that way lol. But, that is just simply IMPOSSIBLE, so I guess I will start with the most recent news.

I do have one big good news to share, and that is… the nursing program is finally over and done with! I've graduated - although I didn’t even get to attend the graduation ceremony because I came down with a muhfuggin’ stomach flu! Out of ALL days I swear. Had my gown pressed, nails did and everythang. But what can ya’ do? smh

I have sent my application - along with what seemed to be a gazillion other things; from passport picture, to fingerprints, criminal history, a $150 check, and so on - to the board of nursing so I can get a date to take the NCLEX exam. That was 5 weeks ago. I was a given confirmation indicating that they’ve received all my paperwork, but no date as of yet - although they have cashed that check!

They told us this process can take 4-6 weeks, just to get a date. I hate the “not knowing” factor, but there is pretty much nothing I can do about it. Now that the end of the 4-6 week frame is nearing, I am beginning to feel nervous and anxious. Guess I’ll just keep playing the “waiting game” for now.

Okay, now back to more recent things. My birthday was last week, just in case you didn’t notice over on Twitter and BBM lol! Thanks to all for the birthday wishes.

For my birthday, I decided to go to San Francisco and see Muir Woods. A friend of mine had been talking about us going for 2 years. We finally did it, and had such a blast. We stayed a couple of days in a hotel in downtown San Francisco, two blocks away from the wharf (North Point and Taylor St).

I was like a mad woman trying to capture splendid images of the city, all while still trying to enjoy and take it “all in” lol. Overall, I think I did a decent job, considering I was using the camera on my slowass Blackberry Torch, which btw I am not fond of -___-

I ended up taking over 200 photos, but in the end, not all came out great, and the ones I took with my camera at a horizontal angle I couldn’t post online because I'd have to “rotate” each of them one by one. Double -___- ...It's a damn shame too, because some of the best pictures I took are the horizontal ones.

Anyhow, look forward to my next post. It will feature pictures of the Muir Woods and San Francisco :)

Ciao!

PARMESAN BREADED EGGPLANT LASAGNA (low-carb)

2011-07-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hi!

*acts like it hasn't almost been 6 months since she last posted*...la la la-la!

This is not a food blog... uh, yeah. But I wanted to share my version of low-carb lasagna. It originally was set out to be an experiment, and surprisingly it turned out really, really good.

I want to specify, that this is NOT a low-fat/low-calorie recipe! It’s low-CARB. It has plenty of meat and cheeses though, making it “okay to eat” for people leading low-carb lifestyles.

Also, I never measure ingredients when I cook. (That is for rookies! lol). In this recipe I used meat, cheese, pepper, salt, oil, basil etc. according to my taste, and the amount of eggplant I had to work with. Use ingredients according to taste (and common sense ).

Here’s what you’ll need…

Ingredients:

- 1 eggplant

- 3 eggs

- 3 tbsp cold water

- Grated Kraft Parmesan cheese

- Basil (dry)

- Pepper

- Olive oil for frying

- Sausage (the kind you can crumble)

- Hot sausage links

- Salami slices

- ½ cup tomato pasta sauce

- ½ cup of water

- Sour cream

- Basil (fresh)

- Mozzarella cheese

- Cheddar cheese

THE EGGPLANT

First what I did was to slice my eggplant into rounds. (You may choose to remove the skin before doing so). I sliced my rounds approximately ¼” thick.

To “bread” my eggplant rounds, I used a mixture of eggs and water (about 1 tbsp of water for each egg) which I whisked together, and a dry mixture of Kraft parmesan cheese, dry basil and pepper. (I was originally going to use oregano in the dry mixture as well, but I was all out that day).

I dipped each round in the egg mixture, then in the dry mixture, making sure each round was evenly coated. In a large frying pan, I heated my olive oil and fried my eggplant rounds over medium heat for about 4-7 minutes on each side, or until they reached a golden brown color to my liking. Then, I set them aside to drain any excess oil.

You don’t need too much oil for frying the eggplant because it’s coated in parmesan cheese and cheese is a bit oily. Since the cheese has fat in it which is released during the heating process, it doesn’t stick to the pan. I do want to mention though, that I did use a good pan coated with Teflon.

THE MEAT

I crumbled and and browned my sausage according to package directions. (The amount of sausage after cooking equaled to approximately 1 cup, if you want to know).

Don’t sue me, but I use Jimmy Dean sausage lol. I like it because it has lots of spices in it, and I have yet to find a good spicy Italian sausage brand that they sell at the grocery store. Because of where I live, my resources are limited.

I also used 2 hot sausage links which I sliced into rounds at a slant and approximately 1/8” thick. While links are not typically used for this, they taste HEAVENLY in lasagnas!

The sausage links I used is are the kind used for grilling purposes. The brand is called Show Boat, and of course I picked the package labeled “HOT” because those are usually the ones full of spices and better flavor.

I also used salami, and that was just your typical packaged and already sliced salami. Nothing special there, and no cooking needed.

LAYERING

Once you have your eggplant and meat cooked, you are ready to start putting this recipe together. To be consistent with the “low-carb” rules, I only used ½ cup of tomato pasta sauce (CLASSICO is my preferred brand of choice) and reduced it with ½ cup of water, to make it less thick and help a small amount go a long way. So in total, I used 1 cup of reduced tomato sauce for a lasagna with 3 layers of eggplant.

I began the layering process by pouring a little of the reduced tomato sauce in my lasagna pan. You don’t need to use a lot. I just didn’t want the eggplant rounds to go down bare on the pan. (Remember, you will still need enough sauce for the rest of the recipe!)

Then I placed one layer of my parmesan breaded eggplant rounds. I followed that up with a layer of salami slices, and on top of that I placed my sliced hot sausage links. (Note: I did not use my crumbled Jimmy Dean sausage in this step yet! Just the salami and links). I poured a little more of my reduced tomato sauce over the meat.

Next, I did a layer of eggplant again. On top of that, I spread dollops of sour cream (YES… SOUR CREAM) all over. I used enough sour cream to cover the eggplant, then sprinkled some chopped fresh basil on top (a couple of leaves are more than enough).

I know it may sound weird that I use sour cream in lasagna, but for some reason ricotta has never came out to the consistency or taste I would like in lasagna recipes. It always comes out too thick, dry and tasteless. I’ve tried adding eggs, parmesan/romano cheeses, herbs, salt, pepper, etc. and have had no such luck.

One day I used sour cream in place of ricotta. The taste and consistency came out perfect. Sour cream is thin and doesn’t have such a strong taste. In the baking process, it sort of thickens a bit and picks up on the flavor of the tomato sauce and rest of the cheesy ingredients making it fabulous! But, back to the recipe…

After the sour cream and fresh basil comes my last layer of eggplant. I top that off with my crumbled Jimmy Dean sausage, and the last of my reduced tomato sauce. Now, it is ready to go in the oven!

This bad boy goes in at 350 degrees for about 50 minutes total. At 45 minutes, I take the lasagna out and spread some shredded mozzarella on top, and a bit of cheddar to give it a color contrast - I like food to look colorful and appetizing, and a combination of white and yellow melted cheese always looks more appetizing than just white; well, to me anyhow - I then pop it back in the oven for an additional 5 minutes, or until the cheese is thoroughly melted and voila!

Let it stand for a few minutes before digging in. It will be hot! Enjoy!

Coincidence?

2011-02-05T10:49:00.000-08:00

The other day, I woke up from a nap, and I immediately felt this strange melancholic sensation come over me. I woke up like one of those times you want to get up out of bed quickly, as if you’re in a rush to go some place - maybe it’s just me this happens to. But, there was no place I needed to be, so I laid back into bed and started starring at the ceiling.

My dreams started coming to me. It was like that phase where you begin to realize you just had a dream and you try to recreate it in your head in order to remember it. This particular dream involved my deceased high school guy BFF. Slowly I started to sense feelings of sadness fill up inside of me. My eyes got watery. I didn’t cry, but it made me feel this sadness and overwhelming anxiety at the moment, like I needed to do something right then and there, but I didn’t know what - I’m wondering if perhaps that’s related to waking up with the sense of urgency that I did?

I then start listening to the stereo - mind you, I was still not fully alert at this point. I had fallen asleep with my stereo tuned into one of the local radio stations (I usually have my stereo on at ALL times while I‘m at home, including when I go to sleep at night. I find it difficult to sleep without noise. Weird, I know) and I am in complete disbelief by what I’m hearing.

Playing on the radio was a song by Staind called “It’s Been a While”. That just so happened to be his most favorite song ever. I finish listening to the song as I best try to recollect the dream I just had. But nothing ever happens in this dream. He doesn’t say or do anything. He just stares at me with a blank expression on his face. Memories start flooding my mind and tears start rolling down the side of my face at this point.

Once the song is over, I try to “get myself together” and think: Why am I dreaming of him like this all of a sudden? And then I realize we are about a month away from his 8 year death anniversary.

This sort of thing - a dream involving him just right before his death anniversary - had happened to me before, but never like this. His favorite song playing on the radio as I woke up from that dream just was a bit too much for me; I got goosebumps after that whole experience was over and made sure to tweet about it so I can remember to write about it later. The crazy thing is, I NEVER dream of him otherwise - or if I do, they must not be dreams I wake up to remember - except right before his death anniversary.

Why does this happen?

I guess I can't really know for sure. Maybe it’s my subconscious. For now, I tend to look at it as this being his way of reminding me that I need to pay him a visit.

An Ending and a Beginning

2011-01-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

It seems like a lot of people are busy with life lately. Busy enough to keep them from doing things of secondary importance, such as writing blogs *raises hand*. I am one of those people. I admire bloggers who blog on a consistent basis and at the same quality. As for me, I’m not sure I will ever “get to that place”.

It’s funny because I had written and saved a blog entry in December, of all the things that occurred during last semester. I never posted or revisited that entry after that (surprise, surprise lol) and today that I decided to “update my blog”, it dawned on me that we are in a NEW YEAR - Btw, happy 2011 everybody! :O) *waves*

Then I thought to myself, well damn, do I really want to bring up old shit and post the last entry I wrote? Most of it is rather negative stuff. Do I really want my first blog entry of the year to start off that way? Maybe not. But the events occurred in my life nonetheless. Blogging about it won’t make much of a difference, and being that this space has become sort of a personal record of my life, I decided… “ahhh, what the heck”.

[Timeline of unruly stressors and traumatic events in my life below!]

OCTOBER 2010:

Ex gets traffic ticket - call me an idiot, but I still care what happens to him. Finding this out just pissed me off.

Ex gets into car accident landing him in the hospital. Car is totaled. He lands in the hospital suffering minor injuries, thank God. I’ll spare details, but basically the person who crashed into him was intoxicated.

As a result of ex’s car accident, ex starts driving a borrowed very uninsured car from a friend. (Smart one, huh? Trust me, there‘s nothing worse than falling in love with an idiot. Oh, wait, yes there is! Having fallen in love and still being in love with one. Luckily, I am passed that stage; although a part of me will always “love him"). Ex gets pulled over and spends night in jail because of it. Super SMFH on that one.

Guy carrying concealed weapon at a Denny’s parking lot attempts to assault me while I’m in my car. Luckily I’m always aware of my surroundings, day or night. That probably saved my life.

NOVEMBER 2010:

My grandfather in Mexico passes away.

Two days after my grandfather’s death, I get pulled over and get a traffic ticket for having my cell phone in my hand while driving - Yes, I realize this is my own fault. But really, who that has a car and drives has not been guilty? Not having been caught does not = not having done it.

The following week I am involved in a vehicular accident (notice a pattern here?) also which was not my fault. It was pretty traumatic. The man who was driving in back of me (God rest his soul) passed away. Me? Not a scratch. But the car in back of the one behind me broke off my right side mirror as he sped away on the shoulder lane. Thank GOD for the shoulder lane. And luckily because it was not my fault, expenses of the damage made to my car were 100% covered, although it was still a hassle and inconvenient for my car to get fixed.

Additionally, there was a BIG overhaul of the nursing program “stuff” pertaining to student rules/standards, curriculum, nursing instructors and their designated roles, etc. Hell, we switched instructors mid-way throughout the semester. And I totally get it. Believe me, I do, because IMO our instructor needed to be fired. But I’m saying, all that bullshit affects you and your academic performance, especially when you already got shit going on in your personal life OUTSIDE of the nursing program, which many times our instructors seem to forget - the fact that yes, we DO still have a life outside our “student nurse” role SMH. Of course, I have a prob with this as well... not that it matters much.

So, as you can see, it was a very busy and tumultuous end of the year for me - that‘s prolly why I got sick several times during the semester; all 3 times right before a big exam and once before a paper was due, with the worst time being right before finals SMFH. All this happened at the same time that I'm supposed to be ultra concentrated on my studies and a program that takes up more hours per week than a full time job…WIN!!! :D (sarcasm).

The other day, I was speaking to my ex’s “ma’i” - she’s so sweet; she still remembers me and calls me from Higüey Christmas Eve, New Years, etc. - and I was telling her that I was hopeful for this year in terms of bright things it has to offer. I told her that even though 2010 had been a tough year for myself and many others in different aspects of life, I had no complaints and feel that everything that had to happen that year, did. I confessed to her that part of me was thankful for the year before (2009) because to me, that's been the toughest year of my life thus far - that was the year I got shitted on in the face by her son (of course I didn’t tell her that part lol) like Tom in 500 Days of Summer, except for not really like him - and perhaps, if it had not been for that year being extremely difficult for me, I wouldn’t have known how to handle last year without making a huge mistake, having a nervous breakdown or both.

The thing about "life", is that it happens without hesitations, regardless of your job, school-work or numerous of other responsibilities. This year, I hope life treats me well and that it has great things in store for all of us. If you ask me, most of us could use some good fortune sent our way.

Oh yeah, and I think I'm pretty much done with posting pictures along with my blog entries, unless they are pictures I take myself which I intentionally wanna share because they are related to my posts. Just letting y'all know!

How Am I?

2010-09-28T00:38:00.000-07:00

As you can notice, I’m doing a horrible job with updating this place frequently with relevant news about ME *shrugs*. Nothing new. I have started a total of about 11 blog entries, none of which I have posted. I wonder if I have a problem lol.

It seems like every time I start to write an entry, I deviate and start going into a bunch of precise details - that no one else would care about but myself lol. Sometimes I feel like I write more about writing than anything else (case in point, NOW). Maybe I haven’t found my “happy place” with this blog shit… whatever.

So, newness and things of that nature. Well, lets see, aside from being back in the nursing program, things are pretty calm for me (I wish to keep it that way). I feel my life is pretty much in order. The only thing that starts to bug me during the semester is feeling the lack of a social life.

I’m so busy during the week, that weekends are reserved for cleaning, laundry, homework, and basically all the shit that I can‘t get accomplished during the week. OCCASIONALLY, I might go out here and there, but it’s nothing major; that usually means just going to get coffee, go see a movie or grabbing dinner with friends so they can see I’m still alive. But, even those, are rare occasions these days. Hence, feeling the lack of a social life.

Lets see, what else… well, there are a number of important things that have transpired or have been "out there" since I last posted a good update about myself. Lets do a recap…

Number one, I received a big ass scare when school started back again. I basically found out my blood pressure was high, and when I say high, I mean high. Of course, I had to tell myself to calm the fuck down. I was stressing myself out SO bad when school started. I went from summer vacation, to back in the program full time. Believe it or not, it was drastic, and I took it hard, because we didn't ease up on the material. It was just like BOOM!

Sometimes I feel people around me don’t understand how stressful this program is. It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with. So much damn information in a short period of time, and you need to retain ALL of it! If there’s any close way I can describe how it feels, I would say it's like being a full time student, during summer school, preparing for the final exam, ALL THE TIME!!! And even that depiction is inaccurate, because as nursing students, we still have clinicals on top of that and skills to learn that we have to physically demonstrate competency in. It's NERVE-WRACKING. And at no point in time during the semester does this pressure cease to exist, as a result, we are highly stressed.

In fact, a new girl just joined our class this semester. Turns out, she had to withdraw from the nursing program on the second semester a year before, because she was so stressed out, she was losing her hair; literally, her hair was falling out. That’s how much this is. And here I was, at the start of fall semester this year, with my blood pressure through the roof SMH. Needless to say, I got my blood pressure back to normal - that’s when I thought to myself, "NURSING INTERVENTIONS!" lol - but I really had to mentally train myself to accept the fact that I can only do what I can, and the rest pa’l carajo!

Okay, second thing "out there". I went to a state job orientation for nurses/nurses-to-be several weeks ago. It's one of those rare "once-in-a-lifetime-job-opportunities", and the best part is, it’s a job in psychiatric and mental health, which is the area of nursing I would like to focus on in my career. There’s excellent pay, excellent benefits, an excellent retirement plan, the list goes on. AAAND they will be hiring a lot of nurses after the time I graduate, because the facility is expanding.

So, what’s the down part? It’s a high-risk job (all positions in mental health and psychiatric nursing are), but this one is particularly higher risk, because it’s a prison job. Yes, you read correctly. It’s basically a nursing job for a psychiatric ward at a prison, and not just any prison, a level 4 security prison. That’s hardcore. So these inmates, aside from being crazy - lol jk! - they are hardcore criminals. In CA, after a level 4 security prison, there is only the penitentiary.

And what about my life plans of moving out to and living in NYC? Yeah, well, they’d pretty much be squashed if I decided to take on this job. The monthly salary is amazing. Believe me, A-MAZING! If I ever applied and got hired at the prison, I would never be making the kind of money they offer, with my nurse title, anywhere else, EVER!

But, do I compromise my dream for "the big bucks"? They say money talks. I guess I won’t find out ‘til the time comes to make a choice.

And lastly on my plate, speaking of New York, the Ex has been talking about taking me out to NY. (Am I a tard? Does this scream out RED FLAG??? lol). He’s been talking about and wanting to do this forever. He knows I want a vacation, and that I would just loooove to go out to NYC. He wanted to do that for my last b-day, but I was like “nah” since I wasn’t quite sure of it, and I had many relatives that were going to visit during the summer, some of which I wanted to see. Plus, I was short on ends to pay for additinal trip expenses, which he wants to share.

So, the question is, should I take him up on that offer?

I’ve mentioned this to quite a few people and have asked for their opinion. Most people say “No” lol. The main concern on people’s minds is, if he’s willing to do this, what does he expect in return, la narga (ass)?

Another thing is, knowing his macho, campesino, controlling self, he’s prolly gonna wanna run things like, “lets go here”, “lets go there” kinda shit, which was the case when I went to NYC with him a couple years ago. We went to visit his family in Queens (mind you, we were together back then) and while I understand that the point of that trip was for me to meet his family (not immediate family, 'cause they live in DR, but relatives of his nonetheless), I didn’t like spending my entire trip surrounded by a bunch of dysfunctional people.

He wouldn’t even like the idea of me doing a “tweet up” with some of my faves on twitter, I already know this 'cause I know him so well - and I already promised having drinks with @shesayswhatever and @Latinegro LOL!

Tell me, does this have fuckery written all over it? Have I just completely lost my mind that I'm even thinking about it because I still see him as a friend??

SIGH... tell me, what's your opinion? On any of the bullshit in this entry PLEASE!!

Latino Blog Challenge Day 3: Favorite Spanish Food

2010-09-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

'Kay, 'member folks, CPT!

With that said, I am about 4 days behind with this topic of "Favorite Spanish Foods". But, the thing is, as I said before, I am not taking up all of the topics. Yes... I am picking and choosing, because I CAN ;O)

The truth is, I LOVE FOOD! If you follow my blog, AND you follow me on Twitter, you probably already know this.

Like with the music thing, I COULD NOT, I repeat, I COULD NOT, for the life of me choose a favorite "Spanish food". Such a task for me is simply impossible.

SO, instead, I am posting some of my favorite comidas Mexicanas. And hopefully by the end of reading this entry, you will be inspired to try some of these foods/dishes, if you haven't done so already.

There are 3 categories: savory food (food-food), Mexican drinks (commonly known as "aguas" or "aguas frescas") and sweets... Ready?? Let's go!

FOOD-FOOD:

sopes

tamales

enchiladas

camarones a la diabla

flautas

chile verde

tortas

tacos

tacos (dorados)

mojarra

DRINKS (AGUAS):

horchata

agua de jamaica

SWEETS:

pan dulce Mexicano

Of course, I wouldn't recommend anybody incorporate these foods/dishes as part of their "every day eating experience" (ESPECIALLY the quantities). These foods are high in calories, but also very good, so they are worth giving a try. Everything is good... in moderation. Provecho!

Latino Blog Challenge Day 1: What I Love Most About Being Latina

2010-09-19T02:11:00.000-07:00

About the pic: This is a place I have to pass by every day in order to get to campus and go home. It always has a bunch of Latin-American flags outside. I thought it was appropriate for this blog entry.

So, I haven't blogged in a while. Truth be told, nursing school has me busy as hell. But, Antonin decided to kick off a whole Latino Blog Challenge thing - look here for more info on daily topics if you wish to participate in it - and since this IS "Hispanic Heritage Month", you know I had to come up in here and leave my mark! :O)

I wish I could participate the whole 30 days, but that is simply not possible. I'm not gonna lie, this will probably be the only LBC topic I will take up - and late for that matter; not that it SHOULD matter, after all this IS a Latino blog challenge, and we (or at least I) am running on that CPT (colored people's time) lol!

Day 1's topic (What I Love Most About Being Latino/a) of the LBC is the one that caught my attention the most. It's also the one I think is most important, as well as closest to my heart.

There are just so many reasons to love being Latina, and I cannot place greater emphasis on one aspect over another. So, I will highlight the things I love the most.

I think sometimes as Latinos, we tend to focus on our differences as a means of setting ourselves apart - not that there is anything wrong with embracing the things that make us culturally unique. But, if we focus on the essence of Latino culture, we are not all that different from one another, in fact, there are a lot of characteristics we share. One of those such things is our strength and our ability to endure almost anything.

Latinos have cojones! Whether you are Peruvian, Salvadoran or Panamanian, almost every Latino has a story of how their parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and so on, sacrificed in order to come to the United States in search of a better life for their children and future generations. Whether they came in a balsa, or on foot across the hot, dry, Sonoran dessert, this takes balls. I think it’s safe to say que nosotros no nos rajamos muy facilmente. Or in other words, we don’t chicken out too easily, to put it mildly.

Another thing I love about being Latina, is how intense we are. Just look at the things we touch. And no passion could be more evident, then when you look up at the face of a Latino man at the close end of a baseball, football or futbol game and his favorite team or country is playing lol.

We are warm, passionate and proud individuals by nature; about our music, our food, our culture, the people we love, about LIFE. It is seen in the way we talk - which most individuals consider yelling - to the way we carry ourselves. This makes it so that there’s never a dull moment in a Latino household, I guarantee it.

Which brings me to my next point... FOOD! Sweet baby Jesus, I would be absolutely lost without the wide variety of Latin food that exists. MY GOD! Can you say DE-LICIOUS?

Latin food is just unreal. As most people know, I’m Mexican. Mexico is a country that is well known for its culinary sophistication and scrumptiousness, just ask any true food buff. Known for it’s wide variety of dishes and assortment of ingredients and spices, la gastronomia Mexicana is sure to please the pickiest of palates. I am simply amazed at how many new Mexican foods I discover every so often. It’s crazy.

There is something so comforting about Latin food. From pozole, to tamales, to yuca frita, habichuelas con dulce, maduros, enchiladas, sopes, mojarras, arroz con pollo, pasteles, tacos dorados, espageti Dominicano, tortas, Cuban sandwiches, morro, arroz con guandules, pupusas, mangu, empanadas, buñuelos, arroz con leche… did I make you hungry yet?? If not, then there's something wrong with you, seriously.

I have been lucky enough to savor a wide variety of Latin foods, despite living somewhere where the Latino community is not diverse at all. This is due to the fact that I know, have met and have dated (lol) a sprinkle of Latinos from cultures different than that of my own. But, I would still like to sample more Latin dishes in the future - that is when living in NY will come in handy! ;O)

One such dish my Ex would rave about and say he missed his mom making for him is Dominican sancocho. I would like to try this, as well as locrio. Maybe on my next trip to NY. I also want to try Colombian, Peruvian and Argentinian food, as well as more Venezuelan, Puerto Rican and Cuban foods. As far as specific dishes go, I would like to try Peruvian pollo a la brasa and ceviche, Honduran conch soup and Puerto Rican pernil and alcapurrias, just to name a few. Mmm!

Of course I can’t mention good food without mentioning good music. Anyone that truly knows me, knows that I love Latin music, and Latin dance for that matter. Most days I listen to some kind of Latin music. I can’t help it, it’s my love! :O)

I cannot choose a favorite Latin musical genre, because I love so many equally. But, IF I had to choose a favorite right now, it would have to be bachata. And as far as favorite Latin dance goes, bachata surely wins hands down.

Bachata dance is just so HOT! It's such a sensual dance. Even within bachata dance, people can develop such diverse styles of dancing it. I’m more into the freestyle and authentic Dominican way of dancing bachata. None of that 3 steps to the right + leg lift and 3 steps to the left + leg lift routine. To me, that’s boring. Plus, maybe you can get away with dancing bachata like that during Aventura songs lol, but not if you bust out some Antony Santos!

Lastly, I love how very diverse we are.

I love the fact that Latin music can range from perico ripiao to tango, salsa to mariachi, plena to vallenato, and cumbia to bachata. I love the fact that our distinctiveness can be tasted in our foods, heard in our accents, and seen in our physical features. I love that even though we share the Spanish language, it’s as if we all have and speak our OWN language. I love the fact that Latinos can look as light as Sissi Fleitas and as dark or darker than Alfonso Soriano, and at the end of the day, there is still that one thing that undeniably unites us all - not to mention it makes for a sexy gene pool! ;O)

Yes, there is beauty in being Latino/a.

Empty Words

2010-08-31T08:58:00.000-07:00

(This is a short one, I promise... or, short-ER lol)

I started thinking about this the other day after receiving a call from him…

Doesn’t it seem these days, like people say things without consideration of the meaning behind their words? He still says things “mi reina” (my queen) and “I love you” ’n shit like that. And I’m thinking, WHY?? Like, what’s the point?

I’ve always been proud of the fact that I am person who can say what she feels without shame or embarrassment. I’m particularly talking about when it comes to feelings and matters of the heart, not simply being “opinionated” in general.

I largely attribute this to the way our father raised us. My father always encouraged my siblings and I to say what we feel. He taught us not to hold back from a hug, a kiss, shedding a tear, or even a sentimental exchange of words.

I remember when some of my friends would come to the house. They would see the way my family and I (especially my siblings and I) would get along. Some of my friends would make comments in jest, to the extent of me, or us, being “soft”. I guess it was weird for them to see how we could easily say “love you” to one another other, or in their eyes, excessively hug each other for no special reason.

I never thought about it much, but I guess at home, we are a touchy-feely affectionate sort of bunch. I just never really looked at it that way ’cause that’s what I know. It’s like fish. They say fish don’t notice they are in water ‘cause it’s around them their whole lives. It’s not until after they are out of water that they notice.

I don’t find anything wrong with being an affectionate person. I’ll tell you this much, I rather be considered an overly affectionate person, than cold or emotionally flat. I also rather be straight-forward and tell the people that I truly love and care about, THAT I love and care about them, instead of not. Life is simply too short to hold back from saying the things you mean.

While I‘m all for hugs, kisses, “I love yous” and any form of display of affection, WHY do I need this from someone whose words did not match with their action? The answer is, I don’t.

All those beautiful things he says, just become empty words.

10 Things...

2010-08-13T04:23:00.000-07:00

Okay, so there are a few ways you could have stumbled across this blog. Either you followed the link on my Twitter account, I followed your blog first on blogger, or I actually sent you a link to this blog (I’ve given VERY few people I know a link to my blog lol). Either way, I know I don't share much information about myself here. Given that most people who read this do not “know me like that”, and that I’ve never posted an introductory type of entry, AND that I was secretly inspired as this being one of the topics for those of you participating in that 30 day blog challenge, I have decided to share several random and not so random things about myself. Here goes!

I’M A CALIFORNIA NATIVE, BORN AND RAISED BABY

Alright, for those who aren’t aware of this, Cali is primarily divided into what is northern and southern California. Technically, I’m considered to be located in the “northern” part. But, if you were to look at a map and find my exact location, you’d notice that I’m almost right smack in the middle of the state.

I’m not gonna make it easy and tell you what city I’m from - some of you might already know this! But, I will say that the only famous person that I know of to be from here is Vanessa Hudgens. Look it up if you’re curious… or not.

MY DREAM IS TO LIVE IN NYC

No, this doesn’t mean I’m not proud of where I’m from, so don’t start with that mess. (It’s actually one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. I hate when people are quick to question your loyalties as soon as you say that you like or want to try something different. Like, GTFO please! Don‘t be so small-minded). As Biggie once said: “I live out there, so don‘t go there!”. I’m proud of being Mexican as well, yet you won’t see me trying to move to Mexico any time soon, I guarantee it.

I am fascinated by everything New York. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always dreamed of what it would be like to LIVE in the "Big City”. Now, as an adult, I want to be a part of something bigger. I see it as an opportunity that would be as exciting, as it is challenging, filled with so many things to discover.

As far as this place is concerned, I couldn’t live here. I always find myself wanting more than what this place has to offer. Don‘t get me wrong, I love it in it‘s own way. But, as soon as I got old enough to where I started contemplating these sort of things, I always knew that this place was not for me long term wise.

SPANISH WAS MY FIRST SPOKEN LANGUAGE

Being that both of my parents are from Mexico, as well as the woman who is largely responsible for raising me (my grandmother, may she RIP), my first spoken language was Spanish. I remember being in ESL (English as a Second Language) classes all the way up until the 5th grade.

I’M A CANCER

What can I say? I’m a July baby. #TeamCancer all the way! :O)

I TAKE PICTURES OF THE FOOD I EAT

It’s become sort of a guilty pleasure of mine, and I HELLA annoy my friends and family with it lol. But, whenever they start talking smack, I just tell them to quit hating on my collection of food glamour shots! LOL

I HAVE AN UNDYING LOVE FOR ALL THINGS LATINO

It’s true, and when I say this, I’m talking about the cultural richness and diversity of what that means; the music, the people, the food, the history, the traditions, the language/dialects, etc. I will be forever in love with all things Latin-American!

I LIKE BEING BAREFOOT (AT HOME)

As soon as I get home, the shoes come off - and sometimes certain items of clothes. If I were in the comfort of my OWN home, I’d run around in panties and a tank top (bra-less) most days. But, unfortunately, I have to consider the people I live with (Aw, schucks!) *snaps fingers*. So, for the sake of my parent’s sanity, I stay covered up. Boo! For now, no shoes only will have to do.

SOY CELOSA

Yep, you read correctly. It’s not something I’m very proud of, but I own up to it. (This belongs under the “shit you don’t like about yourself” column, next to GUAPA (hot-tempered), PROCRASTINATOR and INDECISIVE). I can be a JEALOUS gf. Although, having been with someone who thought he was God’s gift to women and was very dishonest in a previous relationship, DIDN’T help either! If you ask me, I just don’t like for people to mess with my shit! What’s wrong with that??? lol

TWEETAHOLIC… THAT’S ME!

I don’t even think I need to say much on the subject. Just look at my damn timeline for crying out loud. Damn shame! lol. Chances are if you are reading this, I am tweeting right now. Quick, go say Hi to me! lol... Hey, it’s another one of my guilty pleasures and apparently it is for many others :O). Yay, I’m glad I’m not alone! Viva Twitter, and death be to that Twitter whale! *pouts*

I BELIEVE VARIETY IS THE SPICE TO LIFE

I honestly do. I try to apply it to as many areas of my life as possible.

Being Single Does Not = Being Desperate (for MATURE Audiences Only!)

2010-08-02T02:19:00.000-07:00

I am single right now, and I don’t know if it’s mere coincidence (or something else lol) that I happen to know of many others who also find themselves single at this point in their lives - this is where I would tag this as #OneBadAppleSpoilsTheBunch and #GroupPoisonTweet if it was Twitter LOL. What I tend to find, is that people seem to feel “sorry” for you when they find out you are single lol… Why?

I still remember when I was talking to a classmate of mine last semester. (She is a year younger than I am and married, yet has lived with her parents since the beginning of her marriage and apparently still does. This totally makes no sense to me, but, whatever). Anyway, she thought I had a boyfriend. I told her I didn’t, that I was deeply in love in previous relationship and that it was also the longest relationship I‘d been in, but it was absolutely horrible toward the end, so I was taking it easy for a while.

I’ve never been the type of person that’s gotten into a relationship, just to “have somebody”. I consider myself very strong in this aspect. I know men and women view things from totally different perspectives. While some women view getting into relationships as a way of avoiding feeling “lonely”, some men might view getting into relationships as a way of getting steady ASS. I don’t agree with either approach, and I see this as a way of settling for less than what you deserve.

For me, there is nothing my hands or a pair of Duracel batteries can’t fix! LMAO. (Just kidding on the Duracel batteries part. I don’t own a toy [yet] but maybe one day I’ll look into it lol). Really, I am 100% a fan of hacerse uno la paja, because let’s be real, we ALL have needs and sometimes a “friends with benefits” situation is more drama than what it’s worth. It’s not for everyone, especially many women who so often get the short end of the deal and wind up getting screwed - no pun intended *smile*.

Sometimes pajiandose is simply the RESPONSIBLE thing to do! Now, as for the lovey-dovey stuff, do I want that? Of course. But I want it with someone I’ll know it will mean something with, not just anybody.

The reason why I say this, is because I see a bunch of women out there, either in search of or in so-called “relationships”, settling for way less than they deserve. And it’s crazy, because not all of these are women who you can say have "nothing going for themselves" (which, who are we to judge, right?). I've blatantly witnessed intelligent, professionally educated women SEEK OUT losers! I'm talkin' guys who anyone could notice have a "RUN LIKE HELL! + Away pointing arrow" sign on their foreheads.

The question is, WHY??? Have women gotten that desperate? SMH

Let me be clear, that when I use the term "losers", it's not in reference to material things a guy may have, such as what kinda phone he has, what car he drives, or even whether he has a blue or white collar job - at least for me it isn’t.

EVERY woman with a healthy outlook wants a man that can hold his own, that’s a given. But does it matter to me that his shoes cost $200? No. Ima fuck him, not his shoes. Besides, there's nothing wrong with shopping within your budget, as long as you have style! AND... there's also nothing wrong with a man that dirties his hands to earn an HONEST living. My father did that his whole life from the time he was 9 years old, and to this day he is one of the greastest men I will ever know.

“Loser(s)” is in reference to a male that doesn’t know how to treat a woman the way she’s meant to be treated. A male that takes advantage of and abuses women (whether it be physically, emotionally or both) is NOT a man. There are countless of bitch moves guys like these pull that have fuckery written all over them; such as, habitually lying/cheating, using women for money or to live off of, isolating women from their friends and family, going on jealousy rampages... I can go on forever. Real men don’t do this.

As a mujer que es muy sentimental and a big believer in LOVE, (to the point of being CHEESY wid it! lol) sometimes I just look around, and I think to myself:

WTF is going on these days? This isn’t what love is about!

SIGH

I am a very strong-willed person, and like the title suggests, I am a firm believer that being single does NOT equal being desperate - even though that's the new meaning it seems to have taken these days. I don’t expect the perfect man for me (shit, he doesn't even exist), but I HAVE standards - which I know my heart is in the right place with - and that, I will not compromise. We should all have standards for ourselves, and I personally am not gonna lower mine for the simple sake of “having a man”.

In the (SINGLE) meantime, people can continue to judge me all they want for not having a bf or being married *shrugs*... as well as kiss my ass :O)

2010-07-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

- Noelle, age 7

(via @williecolon from twitter)

Ghetto Mexican Brady Bunch

2010-07-24T05:17:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the first day in 15 days that some level of peace was attained here at home. That is such a good feeling. It’s not that anything bad had been going on, it’s just that the house had been pretty hectic. We had many guests staying over who were visiting for the summer. Now they are gone. I feel like I can finally breathe again.

Many people asked me what was the reason for having so many relatives visiting at once. The truth is, there wasn’t any particular “special” occasion. Yes, there are many birthdays in the family the month of July (including my own) but those weren’t reason(s) for their visit.

It just happens to be summer time. That means that those who are usually in school during the year are off right now. This makes it ideal to travel, vacation, take family trips, etc. And as for those who work, they too usually like some off time around this time of year.

So, check it. I had 16 relatives who were visiting from out of town. SIXTEEN! I know this may not be considered “a lot” of people to some individuals, especially those coming from Latino households and families lol. But, trust me, when you have to divide and fit all those mofos in 2 already packed homes (my aunts and ours), that kind of becomes an ordeal.

And if you’re a person who, like me, enjoys relaxing at home and having your privacy, then tough luck! Because you can pretty much kiss those things good-bye. That ain’t happening in a house filled with so many people. Of course it goes without mentioning that silence is virtually non-existent in a full house, except for when people are sleeping.

So, where did all these mofos come from you ask? Good question lol...

Most of my relatives were visiting from Mexico; San Francisco del Rincon, Guanajuato, MX to be exact! (I am very proud of that btw lol, of tracing part of my Mexican heritage to Guanajuato). Anywho… my uncle, tia and their six kids all came along. Yeah, you read correctly, SIX KIDS! Also visiting from the same place in Mexico came my cousin Viridiana. She’s cool. My uncle’s pesky ass little kids I can care less about however.

We also had my cousin Nene come down from Reno, Nevada with his wife and two children… SIGH lol. And before that, my sister had arrived here along with my nieces (her 3 daughters). So… um… yeah, it was a full house! As I said, in total, there was 16 relatives visiting from either Washington, Nevada or Mexico. All of this was exhausting.

And did any of these guests think or suggest to stay in a hotel?? Nope! But, I actually made the suggestion before any of them came lol. The conversation between my parent’s and I went like this:

Me: Yo no se como le van hacer, pero con la familia de mi tio aqui van a ser demasiaos. I’m sorry, but when you got 6 kids, you NEED a hotel!!

Mom: Nooo! Pero como les vamos a decir que se vayan pa’ un hotel? Eso es RUDE!

Me: Mom!!! It’s rude for my tio and tia to assume we’re gonna accommodate all of them con tanto chamaco... y luego inquietos! Ay, no, eso NO!

Dad: No, pero tu sabes que nosotros no somos asi. Nosotros somos unidos. Preferimos estar todos amontonaos que apartados en hoteles.

My face: -_- *thinking speak for yourself!* lol

Listen, I don’t mean to be rude, but I know that’s exactly what I’m considered in our culture (Mexican/Latino culture) for suggesting that (a hotel). Just because I don’t share their rancho mentality. Excuse me, but common, fuck-outta-here with that chit! lol

We have 3 rooms in this house! One is my parents, another is mine and the third is a guest room, which naturally is reserved for my sister and nieces when they visit, even though one of my nieces always chooses to stay with me. My cousin Viridiana also stays with me when she visits, and my cousin Nene made an agreement with my dad before coming down, that him, his wife and two kids would be staying in the living room.

But, my uncle, his wife and 6 children… that’s a different story!

First of all, these mofos are eight all together. EIGHT! I think it’s rude for their asses to just ASSUME we’re gonna accommodate all of them. ESPECIALLY when they know we’re housing extra people to begin with and have no room left to spare. And even then, I could understand a family of 3 or something, but EIGHT? That’s ridiculous!

To top it all off, these ninjas (my uncle and his big ass Brady Bunch family) ain’t no ordinary ninjas. They have “money”, and not only by “Mexican” standards. They would actually be considered a rather well-off family by American standards. My aunt and cousins don’t have to lift a finger in Mexico! They have maids that clean-up and pick up after them n shit.

Yeah, can you imagine that shit flying in this motherfucking household with all them heads? Oh HEYLL to the damn NAH! I will straight up go Madea crazy up in this piece! Ain’t no way a house staying clean with THAT many culos, all cagando, comiendo, miando y dormiendo in the same place without some C-O-O-P-E-R-A-T-I-O-N!

I don’t even know how I made it out of all this alive and without choking someone or sending people pa’l carajo. Point is, I did. Although, there were times when I turned heads and said things people didn’t expect. They’re eyes would just widen lol. But, all that was going through my head was: “Oh, you got sarcasm? Two can play it that game!” and I'd counteract petty remarks with BLUNTNESS... Ahhh, bluntness ftw! lol

I’m not going to act like it was all an uncomfortable or horrible experience. There are up sides to having a majorly full house (very few! lol) but, I know it’s not something I could do long run. I’d go crazy - si ya estoy loca! lol. I need space and ME time every so often for piece of mind. This is why I know if I ever have kids, it wouldn’t be more than TWO! lol

Okay, I’m deviating now...

I will say that I’ve developed a new appreciation for SILENCE after this experience lol jk. No, but really, it has at least served as a reminder of how much I take the serenity that exists in this home for granted when it's guest-free. I am the only one of my siblings left in this house... "the “baby” lol. And this baby is 25 years old! I’m a grown ass woman! Between my parents and I, this house is pretty calm and boring most days.

Happy To Be ITCH-FREE!

2010-06-30T18:04:00.000-07:00

Calm down, it's not a venereal disease or anything lol. It was an insect bite on my leg that was making me itch like crazy. I felt like a mad woman!

About a couple of weeks ago, I made a short trip to Sacramento, CA with one of my buddies. We had a good time. There's lots of greenery and two rivers that run through the city. It's also very HOT. All of this seems to create a breeding ground for all sorts of critters.

I live on the coast close to the Pacific Ocean, whereas Sacramento is more inland. It's typically muggier the more inland you go. I don't know if this has anything to do with them having more insects, but I do know, that there is definitely a lot more bugs in Sacramento than I am used to!

I also know, that the owners of the place where we stayed had a dog. I would see him scratching a lot. Turns out he had fleas.

Anyway, the point is, while I was up there, something bit me. At first, I didn't think anything of it. But, four days later, the bug bite had gotten really red, swollen, felt warm to the touch and was super itchy. I couldn't stand it!

Eventually, I went to go see my doctor. She told me it was infected. She prescribed me some antibiotic medication and said that if it didn't work, she might have to remove a chunk of my thigh off! I was like: WTF! All of this because of an insect bite?

Lucky for me the meds worked. Today was my last day of "antiobiotic therapy", and I am happy to say that I'm feeling itch-free! :D

In other news... I wore shorts for comfort reasons the whole time my leg was swollen and feeling itchy. My dad did not fail to mention that my legs are in dire need of some serious tanning -_-

Thanks Dad! No sympathy for the sick whatsoever! lol

PHOTO: My recovered leg. You can somewhat notice where I was bitten, above the knee.

My Dream Bachlorette Pad lol

2010-06-26T02:38:00.000-07:00

The pictures below are of a floor-plan from an apartment complex here in town. It's a 2-story studio loft, which I find SO cool lol.

Downstairs there's a living space and a small kitchen. Upstairs there's just a bedroom with a bathroom and closet.

I don't know why, but ever since I laid eyes on this studio loft, I fell in love with it! I always promised myself that whenever I finished school and moved out on my own (assuming I stayed in this town for a while) I would get a place JUST like this! Same exact apartment complex, same exact floor plan... Is that weird? lol

I know it isn't much, but I can't explain why I am so drawn to it. I really can't. I do know that for whatever reason, I've always been drawn to small places. Probably because I associate "small" with being cozy.

Think about it, winter and fall, we stay inside most of the time. Aren't winter and fall so much better when we spend them in cozy places? Well, I know my best winter and fall memories are.

And like the typical Cancer that I am, I'm a big "homebody", if you hadn't already noticed :O). Staying home, cooking, etc... THAT'S MY SHIT! Although I do love to travel as well.

Don't get me wrong, the big house and all, that's nice too...IF you're buying, or planning to live there many years. But for a single person, or even a young couple renting, how much do you really need?

Perhaps that's one of the reasons why I wanna move to NYC: smaller, crowded, tighter spaces - Again, is it weird that I actually like this facet about NYC? lol. That's usually what people don't like about the city... I know, wait till I live there, right? lol

In any event, maybe that's something weird about me that will benefit me in the long run when I move there. Because as expensive as it is to live there, Lord knows I'll start off in a very small place lol... which of course, I will have absolutely zero problems with :D

Anyway, just something weird and random about myself I wanted to share LOL. Cheers!

BFFs?

2010-06-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

I’ve recently started distancing myself from someone who I’ve known for a very long time (about 12 years). We were best friends at one point, and while I won’t be hasty in labeling our friendship - if you can now call it that - “terminated”, it currently is at a standstill.

It all began a little over a year ago, when all of a sudden out of no where he stops talking to me. Just like that. We go from being super close buddies and hanging out almost every day, to zilch. Not even communication.

At first when we stopped hanging out, I didn’t take it personally. After all, I had my own life. I was a full-time student trying to get good grades as I finished the pre-requisite coursework for a very competitive nursing program, and I had a boyfriend. However, when I stopped hearing from him, that’s when I knew something was up.

To this day, he has never explained the reason for his behavior. He did this sort of half-assed apology after he got over the whole “trip” he was on and we started talking again. But he never explained why he ceased communication with me for almost half a year. The closest he ever got to apologizing was saying that he was “wrong” for never getting back to my texts/phone calls”… WTF?

I never pushed the issue from that day forward. I figured it took me A LOT to just get him to that point. I wasn’t going to push to know why he did what he did, even though I would have been in all my right to do so. Instead, I decided to let things go. After all, this was a close friend of mine for many years.

Now, let’s fast forward about 6 months since that conversation between him and I took place. He starts not acting like his usual self. As if it wasn’t enough with all of his PMS, mood swings and emotional bullshit I had to constantly deal with. He would be the coolest person in the world one minute, then a total and complete focking douche bag the next, WITHOUT anything causing that.

And let me just make things CLEAR. There is a difference between being an asshole to someone for a reason, versus being an asshole to someone for no reason. I was called “moody” by someone who will remain nameless, and I actually find it funny because I find his behavior along the lines of “moody” and have told him so.

People have the right to be pissed off on occasion, or be in a bad mood due to circumstances leading up to that. That’s perfectly normal and understandable, if you ask me. That’s called being human.

Anyway, back to my story… so, my friend starts acting weird. He begins to flirt with me “in jest“, but it gets to the point where he is constantly doing it and he does not quit. That, becomes annoying and uncomfortable REAL QUICK, especially when you are not reciprocating that same behavior towards that person.

At first, I try to “blow it off” because we are friends and he is trying to come off as though he's flirting in a "joking manner". I don’t want to take him too seriously, but it seems the more I hold off on telling him how I feel, the worse it gets. I thought that by not flirting back with him I was sending a message, but apparently that doesn’t work.

So my next step is to tell him to chill out. I do just that. Of course he reacts as I expect him to. He says that I’m being “too serious”, but at the same time, HE DOESN’T STOP! Believe it or not, this shit continues for some time, until one day, he crosses the line by touching my behind. I was pissed.

Even after the whole incident, I accepted his apology. Did it change things? No. Did it change his behavior towards me? No. He apologizes for touching me, but continues on pasandose de fresco, which he knows makes me feel uncomfortable!

So, I start distancing myself from him as I see my efforts to make him see things are pointless. I didn’t want things to get to that point, in fact, that is what I was trying to avoid. But when someone’s behavior makes you feel uneasy, when you communicate this to them, ask them nicely to stop and they don't, THAT is when you are forced to make a decision. I think I was patient enough.

P.S.- Believe it or not, there's a whooole lot more drama involving this sad litte saga, including some chick (which he uses for her car and getting his pinga sucked) that is obsessed with him and hates my guts for him "liking me"... But, that is way too much fuckery for this entry! lol

Memories...

2010-05-31T17:14:00.000-07:00

One thing I cherish about my upbringing, is that as far back as I can remember, my dad always managed to "celebrate" or make non-working holidays special. Even if in our family that just meant inviting a few guests over to have a barbecue.

Now that I'm older, I appreciate these minor fragments of my life in a different way, and I thank my dad for always teaching me the importance of la convivencia.

After all, in the end, all we have are memories.

I'm gonna miss this when I no longer live at home.

Happy Memorial Day

MEMORIAL DAY BARBECUE 5/31/2010

(My plate! :OP)

Back to Blogging... Kind of

2010-05-19T21:02:00.000-07:00

Seems I wasn't gone for too long, huh?

I know I said I would be back to my regular "blog routine", as soon as the semester ends. Unfortunately for me, the semester is not over yet. Our last day is June 2nd. You will see below the only reason why I was able to write this entry.

I would like to start a trend, where I post short random blog entries, at any given time, for any given reason; kinda like a quick blog.

The reason why I came about this idea in the first place, is because I am super busy with school - how many times haven’t y‘all heard that? As I briefly mentioned last time, I often get blog ideas in my head that I don’t develop, due to lack of time, or not “fitting” the time to write about them into my daily schedule.

Well, rather than purchasing an iPhone or Crackberry, as per O's suggestion - which of course I would LOVE, but is kind of difficult to attain for my unemployed self right now - I've decided to go with the short quick posting method for a change.

Who says I'm obligated to write long ass blog entries anyway?

But, hey, whenever anyone's down to buy me an an iPhone, I'm game! :D

Just to let you know, it’s 4 am on a school night as a write this. I have to be up in a couple of hours SMH. The only reason I am writing this blog is because I can’t fall asleep, so I decided I might as well be productive. I am USUALLY sleeping by now.

Hmm… perhaps, that’s why I love Twitter so much, and tweet as often as I do. It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s fast. I just LOVE IT! Not to mention the people I follow are bomb-ass. They keep me updated on hot new ish, as well as entertained and laughing the whole day.

Even when I have some “free time”, which is usually on weekends, by then I'm so rundown by the school week and clinicals, that I don‘t feel inspired to write in my blog. I’m so exhausted - more mentally than anything else - that the time I do have to myself, all I want to do is NOTHING ...literally!

Sometimes I’ll try to think back on the ideas I had earlier in the week in order to write about them, but it‘s just not the same. And I’m not going to “post something” for the sake of posting something, if that makes sense? This blog is not a chore.

Although I have to admit, I am jealous of the people I see on Twitter who I read are able to chat, write a blog, shop online and what else have you, ALL WHILE AT WORK or on their way to work, etc. I wish I could do that. Unfortunately, even when nursing school is over, I am certain my career will not allow me so much leeway.

Yes, let me write a blog really quick between med pass and Foley catheter insertion -_- ... lol

Just kidding of course! :O)

Anyway, here’s to short, quick and random postings, on random topics by a random chica (ME) in the future. YAY! :D

La Loca,

Sorry, We're Closed

2010-04-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

Well, until further notice.

I've simply been too preoccupied with the nursing program. There have been things on my mind which I would like to blog about. And there's definitely been enough going on which would serve as "blog material". I just don't have the time.

Anyway, the first semester of the nursing program is coming to an end; it will be over in a matter of weeks! I can't believe how time has flown by. Once finals and school are out of the way, I should be back to my regular blog routine... whatever that is LOL

I look forward to it :O)

Too-da-loo,

EG

Time Flies...

2010-04-13T02:20:00.000-07:00

I absolutely cannot believe it's almost gonna be a year since Michael Jackson's death. I know we're a few months away, but still.

'Remember the Time' is my personal favorite Michael Jackson song.

There will never be another Michael. Let's keep celebrating his music!

We love you MJ. May you R.I.P.

[P.S.- I know I've been slacking on actual posts written by ME... I've been very busy. What can I say?]

BIG SUR: Why I Love This Place...

2010-03-29T15:22:00.001-07:00

On the way...

Stop along the way to admire the beauty

The pictures do not do it justice

Coast off Bixby Bridge

Tried to capture Bixby Bridge and the ocean as much as possible

Bixby Bridge

A closer look

The Phoenix Gift Shop (1st floor)

The way to Cafe Kevah

Cafe Kevah! (2nd floor)

Upstairs toward the right, Nepenthe Restaurant (3rd floor)

On our way up to Nepenthe Restaurant

View of the parking lot from the top

This little guy was trying to see if we leave any food behind

Negative! lol... Not with the food being almost orgasmically good

Views from the side of the Phoenix Gift Shop... One

Two

& Three

Wall near bathroom (inside The Phoenix Gift Shop)

Door to Women's bathroom (inside The Phoenix Gift Shop)

I thought it was cool, so I took a pic lol :O)

2010-03-15T02:47:00.000-07:00

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”

-William Somerset Maugham

In the Zone: The Cinderella Effect

2010-03-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

Many people ask me how the nursing program is going. I usually say something like.. “It’s a lot of work, but it’s going well”. I usually mean this in reference to the “theory” part of the nursing program. In other words, everything having to do with readings, research, chapter assignments, writing essays, studying, etc.

But, sometimes I’ll also mention how I just began clinicals a few weeks ago. As soon as I say that, people look at me bright-eyed, eager to know how this aspect of the nursing program is going. I can understand the curiosity. Clinicals is where we get our hands-on experience. This is where the “fun” goes down... literally.

For as much as Hollywood glamorizes careers in the medical field, nursing is anything but glamorous lol. It’s tough work and requires you to have a lot of knowledge about many things, all while being able to prioritize patient needs and manage your time effectively. Nursing is a very demanding job that constantly has you on your toes. But it’s also very rewarding and satisfying for those who are able to appreciate the challenge.

Perhaps this is one of the greater things about nursing - and I want to make it very clear that I only speak as a student nurse, which is my official title. As soon as you step out on the floor, nothing else matters. Not family problems or relationship issues. Not your worries or insecurities… nothing. It’s as if everything else falls behind you.

Isn’t that great? I mean, aren’t there times you really wish you could just forget about certain things? Or times you wish you could completely block certain thoughts from your mind, even if for just a fragment of your day? I know I do.

It almost feels like an outer body experience. Like if you’re a different person at that moment. You have no time to think about anything else. Your mind is too preoccupied with so many things. Once you start working, it’s not about you anymore, it’s all about your patient and their needs. And as soon as your shift ends, you are back to reality and your carriage turns into a pumpkin.

I hope this isn’t something that “goes away”, but rather remains a side effect of nursing.

Happy Valentine's Day :O)

2010-02-15T16:12:00.000-08:00

ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE...

BUT A LITTLE CHOCOLATE NOW AND THEN DOESN'T HURT :O)

-Charles M. Schulz

Say Hello to the (Stressed Out) Nursing Student

2010-02-08T12:11:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been neglecting this blog, as other things in my life. But then I remember that I’ve never been consistent with my postings to begin with, and I don’t feel so bad lol.

I kinda wanted this space to be somewhere where I discuss any beefs I have or ideas that creep into my head (aka a place for “venting“). Now I feel it’s turned into more of a diary of sorts. While I don’t have an issue with that, I would still like to address other things. Things like what's going on in the world - even if it’s just in my world - the media, etc. Currently, that just takes up more energy than I can give. So for now, I will resume to merely updates :O)

So, let’s see what’s new… I started the nursing program. It’s going pretty good. The first week I was so freaked out though. The workload was so overwhelming. I was on information overload. My mind was thinking: “WHOA! Am I going be able to do this?” I had a few girls in the nursing program tell me they felt the same way too. And they would all tell me the same thing: “You look so calm. How do you do it?”. I couldn’t help laughing when they told me that. Of course, I told them that I was just as freaked as they were.

You guys should see my main book. That is the fattest motherfucker I have ever owned. It’s one of 5 books we need, along with the accompanying study guide, a medical dictionary, a drug reference book, and a book that accompanies a CD ROM… SIGH lol. And yes, we use them all.

The thing about the nursing program - and other careers in the medical field I presume - is that not only do you have to learn a lot of information. You have to know how to apply skills to that information. So, it’s not only composing nice essays and passing written tests. We get tested on skills, just as much as we do on knowledge; every day as a matter of fact. That’s what makes it challenging. The book stuff I‘ve always had under control. It’s the skills testing that’s nerve wracking. But, for as challenging as it is, it is also fun :O)

Then there is other shit. For as much crap as I was going through the first week, I had people that thought I was purposely ignoring them -_- . UGH! It frustrated the hell out of me and seriously brought about unnecessary stress. I thought they were being so selfish. Like, “Hey, I would love to spend and hour chit chatting. I just CAN’T!” I literally had no time, and even then I was barely getting enough sleep. I would have liked for some to be in my shoes so they could know how it feels, or see all the work I had.

Then there were those who totally understood and were cool about it. They didn’t mind the fact that they didn’t hear from me for like the first 8 days. I appreciate that. I still say only college students know what it‘s like. Carrying a full load at school is tough, especially when in a rigorous program. It took some getting adjusted to, but I think I am doing better with all of that… for the time being anyway. I also know that these first 2 weeks were just the tip of the iceberg. There' s are a whole lot more complex things to be learned in the coming months. It’s just a matter of taking it a step at a time.

Needless to say, I am so looking forward to my next vacation!

Adios Amor

2010-01-20T13:09:00.000-08:00

Parece que me enamore de un fantasma

La persona de quien me enamore,

Aparece y desaparece de mi vida cuando quiere

El hombre tan dulce y tan tierno que un dia toco mi puerta,

Entre mas pasa el tiempo lo veo y escucho menos

Acaso ya no te acuerdas de lo que sentías al comienzo?

Mejor no me contestes esa pregunta

Me doliera saber que todo eso,

Ya no existe en ninguna parte de tu memoria

Por si no te acuerdas,

Deja recordarte...

Lleno de amor y cariño como tu me hablabas

Yo te escuchaba

Deje que tus palabras me penetren el alma

Príncipe azul no eras te lo aseguro

Pero al largo del tiempo,

Llegaste a ser mi rey

Era tu simpleza y tu dulzura que yo tanto adoraba

Llenaste mi vida de amor e ilusión

Tu sonrisa sera algo que nunca podre borrar

Ahora ese hombre,

Casi no viene por aquí

Tu, hombre alegre y humilde, a donde te haz ido?

Porque siento que se han llevado la mitad de mi corazón

Busco la manera de llenar el vacio que tu haz dejado en mi,

Pero todo es en vano

Asi que antes de que desaparezcas o te alejes por completo,

Esta vez sere yo quien te dice Adios

No quiero recordarte de otra forma,

Mas que de la forma en que yo me enamore de ti...

Dulce, sencillo y alegre

No te imaginas que tan difícil sera,

Pasar la vida entera sin nunca mas escuchar tu voz

Estaras en mi recuerdo y te amare siempre

Life Changes Quickly

2010-01-19T04:01:00.000-08:00

It's amazing to me how quick life changes. Let me be the first to say, that I haven’t been one to typically embrace change. No, I'm not talking about change such as granting gay individuals marriage rights. Or, the type who is terrified of one day having a non-Christian, non-monotheistic president running our country. I’m talking more along the lines of…

I’m sittin’ on the bowl “handling business”. I reach for the toilet paper and think to myself:

"WTF! Since when are we using the double rolls? Why did no one bother telling me about this?.. M-O-O-O-O-M!!!"

“Thefuck is this DVD shit about?.. What‘s wrong with VHS tapes!”

Despite the fact that I had to hit the "tracking button" like ten billion times.

Okay, so those are just exaggerations. My point? I'm not always good with change. In fact, throughout most of my life, change has actually scared me. I have yet to delve deeper as to why this is. But. to me, it doesn’t matter. The point is, it is. And while I realize that it may be somewhat normal for people to have a natural tendency to fear or dislike change, I wouldn’t consider my abhorrence level as something that falls within normal limits lol.

Granted, some change will suck regardless. But, we are always in control of how we manage the situation afterward. Right?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not this paranoid freak that shrieks at any slight change of environment or situation. I’ve learned to deal with this as I’ve gotten older. You kinda have to. I just think I’m slower when it comes to adapting to change than most people. And I can get nostalgic at times when I reminisce, which doesn’t always help.

So, why all the talk about change? Well, because that seems to be the theme lately, with my familial situation and many other things for that matter. Last weekend my brother moved to Sacramento. (That’s pretty far up north from where I’m at. I’m slightly south of the Bay Area). I am happy for him and his family. It will be a fresh new start for them. And even though I am going to miss them, I feel this kind of move is something they need. It will be good for them as a family.

I’m going to miss the times with everyone though. It’s crazy. Sometimes you don’t know how attached you are to people, until they are no longer there. I’m even gonna miss the freakin' dogs - Bear, Giggy Momma‘s and Asia - and they aren’t even mine!

I have a feeling that with my brother’s move, the rest of the people from the group will just separate. It’s kind of as if my brother and that house was the glue that kept everyone in tact. Things will be different now. I am almost afraid of what comes next.

But, hey, that’s life right? I suppose I won’t have much time to be giving that a lot of thought soon. In a week, I will start the nursing program. *MAJOR SIGH*. It’s not that I’m not excited. It’s that right now, my nervousness is obscuring that excitement.

I do look forward to a lot of learning, as always :O). I just don't look forward to the sleepless nights and long hours of crazy studying and memorization. Clinicals also freak me out. But, I remember I felt that way too about starting CNA clinicals. At least now I have some experience.

Indeed, I have some tough days ahead of me in this program. However, more on that later. For now, I just wanted to get this off my chest, as that is what’s been on my mind and in my heart.

2010-01-13T19:01:00.000-08:00

“IT TAKES A LOT OF COURAGE TO RELEASE THE FAMILIAR AND SEEMINGLY SECURE, TO EMBRACE THE NEW. BUT THERE IS NO REAL SECURITY IN WHAT IS NO LONGER MEANINGFUL. THERE IS MORE SECURITY IN THE ADVENTUROUS AND EXCITING, FOR IN MOVEMENT THERE IS LIFE, AND IN CHANGE THERE IS POWER.”

- Alan Cohen

TO ALL A (LATE) HAPPY NEW YEAR

2010-01-06T03:57:00.000-08:00

[picture above taken in Fort Lews, WA]

It is the end of a year and beginning of a new one. I have to say, that I am feeling much better than I imagined I would be feeling. A couple of months ago, the whole idea of the holidays scared me to death; I did not imagine how I would cope. But, things turned out better than I had anticipated - I would share more details about that, but I am sure it will be upsetting to some of my friends, so I will keep those details to myself… unless asked, of course :o)

I don’t wish to bore anyone with every last detail of my trip to Washington. Yes, Washington is where I decided to spend my Christmas. Honestly, I expected my vacation to be different than how it turned out, but that is when you have to realize that things don’t always go as planned and you have to deal with the cards you are given. The important thing is I got to spend time with family that I don’t get to see much during the year.

One of the things I was looking forward to in Washington was snow. I wanted to have a white Christmas, and guess what? I didn’t get it. Had it snowed though, it would have been my first white Christmas. My sister kept reassuring me that it would, but come to find out, based on the little research I did online, it actually does not snow very often in the Seattle area. That was a bummer, because even though it didn’t snow, it was still cold as heck. Not receiving any snow totally made the cold weather not worth it lol. That cold weather is pretty brutal on a native Cali girl, let me tell you.

So, Christmas was spent in Washington, and I flew back home the 31st of December. I was so tired that day from the higher than usual levels of bs at the airport (thanks to the Nigerian tard), the flight itself and getting no sleep the night before. By the end of the day, I had absolutely no desire to do anything fun for New Year’s. My whole day was pretty busy from the second I got home. I was running around town doing things, but I felt like a zombie the entire time.

After flying from Seatac Airport to San Jose, my cousin drove us home. Once in town, I went to MetroPCS and a few stores. Later, I went to Starbucks with my cousin and had dinner with him at Wing Stop. After, we swung by my house a while. Then, I visited my aunt for a few hours and finally came home. When I came home, my parents were having a few drinks as they played dominoes. I joined them for dominoes and would have joined them as they toasted, but they didn’t have wine :oP. I tried my hardest to stay awake 'til midnight, and I made it. Immediately after that, I crashed.

The holidays this year were nothing exciting (as is this blog), but they were pretty peaceful and not as depressing as I had imagined. Lucky for me I don’t believe that what you do to ring in the New Year is indicative of how the rest of your year will be. I have high hopes for 2010, despite the fact that I feel I’ve already made mala sangre of sorts starting off. I’ve heard my fair share of bad news as we start out 2010. What’s up with that?

Oh well, whatever it is, I hope it dies quickly. 2009 was difficult enough. And don't even get me started on New Year's resolutions, one of which is to send more people directamente p'al carajo. Carajo city, here we come! Oh, am I being negative? Because chances are this will be the year I do not give un rayo what people think!

With that said, lol, to: Health, Love, and Prosperity. Happy 2010.

Learning Through Pain

2009-12-12T13:18:00.000-08:00

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"CLOUDS COME FLOATING INTO MY LIFE, NO LONGER TO CARRY RAIN OR USHER STORM, BUT TO ADD COLOR TO MY SUNSET SKY"

-Rabindranath Tagore

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I almost hate to revisit the same subject. I kind of feel as if people are thinking in their minds “Oh, no, here we go again…”. But the truth of the matter is that I do this for myself. Whether I am right or wrong for it, that I will leave for others to decide. It must still serve some purpose for me, right?

I talk to several people about the relationship I still have with my Ex. And I use the word “relationship” for lack of a better term. Basically, communication still exists between him and myself. We both consciously make that choice.

But many don’t understand me for still choosing to communicate with my Ex. They disagree with the fact that I still choose to talk to him. Quite honestly, I don’t blame them for feeling that way.I know that they are just looking out for my best interest. I would probably think the same way if I were them.

At times I have felt very stupid about the whole thing. One minute I will say one thing, and the next I will say another. I contradict myself on feelings and opinions about my Ex, and this is what’s made me feel rather foolish.

Last weekend however, I was out with a friend, and she again was listening to me talk about my Ex in that same restaurant where we spend hours talking. I told her about me feeling irrational because my feelings about my Ex still fluctuate.

She made me feel at ease. She said to me, “Grieving is a process”.

It was as if a light bulb had gone off in my head. A grieving process. Of course!

I remember one specific time after everything had gone bad - a time in which I was really depressed - I started thinking about the times in my life where I had lost someone special to me. I was able to think of two great losses.

One of those losses was my grandmother. I was close to my grandmother because she raised me while my parents worked. She passed away in her late 60’s from an illness at the hospital. I was still fairly young when all of that happened.

The other person that came to mind was my friend David. He was my best guy friend throughout high school. He was shot in the stomach several times and passed away before making it to the hospital. He was 17 years old.

I don’t bring this up to receive pity from anyone. Those events in my life were indeed tragic, but that is in the past and I have had to move forward since then for my own sake.I feel I have mourned and healed well. But I also realize those were pivotal points in my life which have in some way molded who I am. I have let go of some things, but I never forget them and I continue to hold on to memories; the great ones.

So what does this have to do with my Ex? Well, I remember that day, as I was depressed thinking about those tragic events, I felt that the pain I was going through at the moment due to losing him was more painful. That’s how much he meant to me.

Of course my Ex is not dead. When I say “losing my Ex”, I mean that in the way you lose someone when they are no longer yours. When I think about things, and how I lost my grandmother, then how I lost my best friend, I realize they were taken. What happened to them was not their choice.

With my Ex, it was different. It was his choice to end things. Do you know how bad it feels to be left by choice when you love someone? It hurts… big time. As with anything, there are more details to this story that make matters even worse, but that's not important for what I’m trying to explain.

Grieving is a process; indeed it is. And it is a process I am still going through right now. I know when people normally think of a grieving process, they think of someone that’s lost another due to them passing away. But, even though this may not be the case with me, I still lost someone.

There are many stages and emotions you go through when you are grieving, including shock, emotional release, depression, withdrawal. And you fluctuate throughout the grieving process feeling these emotions. Sometimes you feel all of these emotions hitting you at once. That, is the worst.

It’s hard to get to that place where you feel you are beyond that. I know some of my friends tell me, “You just need to let him go and stop talking to him“. Or, “He did such and such to you, you shouldn't still care about or love him”. But, everyone is different. Everyone deals with pain differently and everyone grieves differently, as well as at different rates. Who’s to say that if some of my friends were in my situation, they’d do as they tell me?

Giving advice to someone facing a dilemma is different than you actually facing that dilemma yourself because emotion gets in the way. I know this firsthand… well, now I do. I remember I used to say, "Oh, I would never put up with such and such"(speaking in terms of putting up with certain things in a relationship). Yeah, well, you'd be surprised. Love is so blinding.

So, to my friends, thank you so much for caring about me and looking out for my best interest. Trust me, your advice has not been in vain and your support has helped me get through difficult times. But know that I have to go through things myself, and if I continue to make mistakes, let them be. After all, it is a learning experience, as much as a grieving process.

2009-12-04T21:14:00.000-08:00

"FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE, NO PROOF IS NECESSARY. FOR THOSE WHO DON'T BELIEVE, NO PROOF IS POSSIBLE"

- Stuart Chase

Lasagna Night & World Series Game 1

2009-10-29T06:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first game of the World Series. The contenders? Yankees vs. the Phillies. In light of this, I decided to make it a lasagna night and invite a few guests over to watch the game.

Well, instead of me actually being able to sit and watch the game, I actually turned out to be quite busy. From cooking, to taking care of my guests, to chasing a bird that flew into my house with a jacket... like I said, it was a busy night lol.

I was basically able to do everything, but watch the game! It's okay though. Lesson learned. Hey, at least the food was good. (see pics below)

I was rooting for the Yankees, but in the end, they lost 6-1. For the next World Series game, which is today, I am having zero guests and cooking nada! Just me, the remote and twitter lol.

Go Yankees!

MY OFFICIAL BUCKET LIST | Oct. 26th, 2009

2009-10-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

-Learn to play an instrument. Preferably percussion and preferably the timbales

-Learn a language other than Spanish and English. Italian is at the top of the list, but Latin and French also interest me

-Live in New York City at some point, even if it’s not a permanent thing

-See at least one of the wonders of the world. Machu Picchu or the Taj Mahal would be nice

-Learn how to take professional photos. Eventually I want to pick this up as a hobby

-Have a dog as a pet. This might have to do with not being allowed one during my childhood lol

-Go to an MLB game. Preferably a Yankees game. Eat a hot dog and some peanuts. That’s what everyone else does, right?

-Go to a music concert. Marc Anthony. Oh my God, I would DIE!

-Go to a George Lopez comedy show and try not to pee

-Go see boxing match at the MGM Grand. Preferably to see a boxer of Mexican descent fight, just to make it that much more exciting for me lol

-Watch the sun rise somewhere outdoors in nature

-Take a West Coast road trip. Destination: ANYWHERE

-Dance or play in the rain with someone. That way I am not the only fool ;O)

-Take an Alaskan cruise. I hear the scenery is beautiful!

-Drink eggnog for the first time... with Cristi!

-Eat authentic Italian food... in Italy

-Go to a café in France

-Eat authentic French food. I hear it's delicious. I want to try escargots!

-Go to the following places:

NORTH AMERICA/USA: Aspen, New Orleans, Miami, Atlanta, Chicago, Ohio, Wisconsin, Canada

LATIN AMERICA: Panama, Argentina, Republica Dominicana, Puerto Rico, Belize, Cuba, Bolivia

EUROPE: Ireland, England, a Scandinavian country and an Eastern European country like Slovakia

ASIA: India and the Philippines

As I sit here looking at my bucket list, I realize some of these things I want are not so extravagant.

What Do I Want?

2009-10-26T09:58:00.001-07:00

Have you ever felt like you want to do so many things in life, that you don't know where to start?

A few days ago a friend of mine called me. She told me that she’d just received word that an acquaintance had passed away. She had briefly met this person just several months back through mutual friends. Even though my friend wasn’t close to this person, I could notice something uneasy in her voice, as if in disbelief.

She asked me, "Why is it that we have to be reminded of death to put our own lives into perspective?" I paused and thought about this for a minute.

For many of us, there comes a point in our lives where we have some sort of epiphany; something that changes our look on life and leads us to start living our lives differently. It can be any number of experiences, from bearing a child, to changing religions or even visiting a different country.

I feel these moments occur multiple times throughout our existence. I just think we are not always keen in picking up on them. Kinda like, we see the tree and not the forest. But, like with anything, I think we get better about knowing when to pay close attention with time and experience.

Now, although these series of minor epiphanies might not necessarily be as dramatic as we expect them to be, I do feel it is these moments which have us constantly reevaluating ourselves, thus allowing us to learn, grow and reinvent ourselves. I think I am currently at such a stage in my life. This is where my original question comes into play.

Recently, I went through an experience that left me wanting to do more for myself. I won't share many details about the experience, but I will say that it involves the end of a relationship. I felt I had put so much time and effort into it, all for it to just crumble in the end.

I felt so robbed and cheated and that things were so unfair. I also felt I had lost precious time. During the time we were together, I held back from doing the things I wanted and now I can't take that time back. I realize this is my own fault. I realize I placed myself in that situation and allowed it to keep going.

But now things are different and I have changed, even if people might not necessarily see it. I see things differently. It has been a very painful experience, but one that I am emerging from with many lessons learned and perhaps most important, my dignity still in tact and a feeling of knowing that I am a good person that deserves good things. And there is nothing better than walking out of a bad experience feeling that way.

So, now, what are the things that I want for myself? Well, where do I begin?

As I said, I see things different now. Now I think about life and feel I want to do and experience so much. I feel there is so much out there. I am ambitious and optimistic about the future. Only now, I don’t know where to start lol.

I am kidding. I realize that many of my dreams and things I want to do will have to wait a few years, especially because many have to do with traveling. As of right now, school and my career are first. And of course family, but that goes without saying.

So, as my friend and I were talking about life and experiencing things and cherishing the time we have on Earth, we started talking about a bucket list - By the way, it is very good to have someone who you can talk to and share your dreams with. Someone that will just listen :O) - As you probably already know, a bucket list is a list of things you would like to do before you pass.

The idea of developing a bucket list had actually already been brought up before and we had thought about several things. I personally never took it serious, but this time I told her that it was time that I came up with an official bucket list. Above are a few things I would like to do or experience throughout my lifetime.

My First Blog Entry

2009-10-20T23:44:00.000-07:00

I had no idea that today would actually be the day I post my first blog entry (yay for me!). Most days I get an idea about writing a blog entry, it just comes out as a bunch of random unorganized thoughts that turn into mush. It's like I permanently have writer's block lol. I have to convince myself that with time and practice, this process will become easier for me. Besides, I really want to do this. I need an outlet to express myself. I think it's good for the soul.

So, this is my first actual blog entry. But, I have no sense of blog etiquette and my writing skills are not perfect. I have so many questions. Like, is it okay for me to write 'lol' after certain sentences in my blog? Is it okay to add smileys? :O) Can I use multiple exclamation and question marks? Can I make jokes, or should I be serious? Should I take my blogging seriously??? lol

So many questions, so many options. But in the end, I can only offer to be myself. Otherwise, what would be the point of this blog, right?

I suppose some days I will be serious. Other days I will be silly. And some days I will be neither. I might have have many things to say certain days. I might not say much other days. My blog will be like a box of chocolates and you'll just never know what you are going get.

So, for anyone who might be reading this *crickets chirping* welcome to my blog space. Join me as I embark on a bumpy road to the wonderful world of blogging. Happy reading! :D